My mum is coming for a visit this weekend. A year ago I never would have thought this was possible, when she hung up on me after telling me how selfish I was for, well, following my own thought process out of the Mormon church. In a certain light it is a selfish choice. I could follow the herd, which was in the best interest of the herd, or I could stop being a sheep, which was in the best interest of my dignity and self-respect.
At any rate, the ice has thawed somewhat over the many months and while my father does his best to avoid speaking to me, my mum has come back around a bit. I’m actually pleased that she’s coming to visit. When you get her on her own away from her responsibilities she’s loads of fun. However, I need to prepare the house so that none of our lifestyle differences are shoved in her face. Here’s all the things I have needed to clear away to make the house acceptable to a Mormon Mum:
– All glassware bearing the name of a booze company (Guinness, etc.)
– All the booze
– The wine racks
– A copy of The Kama Sutra
– Caffeinated tea
– Refrigerator magnet reading “I believe the glass is half full as long as there is whisky in it.”
– Empty beer bottles in the bin
– My collection of Mormon-related books, including scriptures, old lesson manuals, and titles such as The Book of Mammon, An Insider’s View of Mormon Origins, By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus, and Losing a Lost Tribe.
– Buddy Jesus figurine
– Coin purse reading “I’m Savin’ Up For Jesus!”
– Movies rated 15 and 18 (That’s R-rated to you Yanks)
– Flying Spaghetti Monster tea mug
– Sexy underpants in pile of washing
I think that should do it. Doubtless I’ll find a few more things in my final sweep, but I believe I’ve removed any tinder that could start a fire. Hopefully we’ll now just have a nice week-end.
Fingers crossed. Wish me luck.