Disowned.

Not a good week for me. I’ve found out what my mum thinks of me, and the level of paranoia about my alleged crimes against my parents and the church are positively Orwellian. I wouldn’t be able to believe that she really thought those things of me if I didn’t have confirmation from one of my siblings who is also likely on the way out of the church.

I’ve been pronounced “anti” my parents and the church, and any LDS person will know the power of that label. It’s comparable to being labelled “suppressive” in Scientology, although Mormons certainly won’t attempt to sue former members or actively attempt to ruin their lives.

I’ve been ordered not to have any contact with my siblings, since I’ve allegedly tried to usurp parental authority, persuade them to leave the church, and tried to influence them to follow me. I don’t believe any of these charges are true, and neither do my siblings. Thanks to the Internet I’m still able to have contact with them, and they think this situation is utter bullshit. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to help with alleviating the impression that I influence my siblings to go against my parents.

I hope over time this situation can be repaired, but for now I’m grateful to have so many good friends in my life. There is so much more to family than blood. I have a family of my own choosing, made up of people who love me unconditionally because of and in spite of everything about me. And I love them back — unreservedly, unapologetically, and unfailingly.

It hurts. A lot. I’ve had to fire up every happy song in my library to banish the ironic version of “Families Can Be Together Forever” that’s been playing in my head.

11 thoughts on “Disowned.

  1. I’m really, really sorry. That truly sucks. I think your Orwell reference is spot on: “families can be together forever” comes at a high price, and that price is fear. Truly, family is about unconditional love, acceptance, and support–and none of that has anything to do with blood. I know you know this, but you’ve done nothing wrong, and deserve nothing but love and support. In a well-ordered world, you’d be getting extra support, and listening, and tolerance right now, because what you’re going through to begin with is so clearly difficult. I’m sure I speak for all of your regular readers, and not just myself, when I say that I have nothing but admiration for you.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear that Molly. I can’t imagine a loving family treating somebody like that over religion. I’m really glad you’re still able to talk to your siblings though, and that they see through the nonsense to be true to the people they love. I don’t know what I could do for you but I’m here if you need me. Take care. You are a good person and you don’t deserve this.

  3. Hi Molly–I’ve lurked and admired your blog for a while. I just want to say how very, very sorry I am that this happened. I’m glad you have a family of your choosing and hope they’re giving you lots and lots of company and support right now.

  4. I’m sorry, Molly. My mother still isn’t talking to me although things have settled down a bit. If I were merely inactive we’d all still be superficial friends.

    Family. Isn’t it about shunning and division?

    I like the way you define “family.” +1 (((warm cyber hugs)))

  5. Ditto to all the comments above. I’ve been having some probs with my and my husband’s family lately too. I feel your pain.

  6. That is just sooooo ridiculous. I know it hurts but in time you and they will figure out that they’ve lost a lot more than you have.

    What’s wrong with a religion that causes this to happen?!

  7. I keep coming here meaning to post something meaningful, but I’ve got nothing. Put on some good old bubble gum rock; that’s always a spirit lifter!

  8. Sending out hugs, Molly. So sorry. The shit will definitely hit the fan with my in-laws once my husband actually tells them. It’s going to hurt. Hang in there! Thanks for your wonderful posts.

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